- The author reflects on a journey from excitement in their first internship to severe depression and career struggles, marked by a persistent lack of motivation despite initial confidence.
- They experienced performance issues in jobs, including poor communication, slow work pace, and low-quality deliverables, leading to being fired, and realized their problems were unique compared to peers.
- Self-blame shifted from external factors like companies or bosses to internal issues, with theories including lack of discipline or possible ADD, but the root cause remains unclear.
- LLMs initially helped with multitasking but contributed to sloppier code by bypassing thorough testing processes, exacerbating work quality issues.
- Diagnosed with severe depression, the author is now on medication and benefits, focusing on healing, with gratitude for healthcare and support from friends and family, emphasizing the importance of communication.
- Future goals include stopping mistakes by planning tasks meticulously, finding pride in work by addressing demotivation, achieving stability through work discipline, and transitioning away from software development until ready to avoid being a burden.