- The author attempts to write a eulogy for their father, recounting 16 failed attempts and reflecting on their complicated relationship.
- The father died alone in a motel room, having alienated everyone in his life due to drug addiction, violence, and abusive behavior.
- The author describes their father's manipulative love, which included intense declarations of affection mixed with threats, control, and emotional abuse.
- The father had a history of drug use, job losses, evictions, and financial instability, leading to his isolated death.
- The author's family had a pattern of abusive men, including an uncle who shot his girlfriend and another who abandoned his children.
- The author struggled with guilt, anger, and grief, trying to reconcile their father's moments of insight with his destructive actions.
- The father's death was discovered five days after he died, with the autopsy citing heart disease and chronic alcoholism as causes.
- The author reflects on how their father's abuse shaped their own parenting, striving to break the cycle of trauma.
- In a final meditation, the author practices a compassion exercise for their father, expressing forgiveness just before learning of his death.