4 hours ago
- Engineers and product managers often have a dysfunctional relationship due to a lack of shared culture and trust, despite frequent daily interactions.
- The 'product mommy' dynamic, where engineers are seen as socially inept and needing a parental figure, is harmful and should be avoided.
- Trust is difficult to build because of non-overlapping skillsets, leading to mutual skepticism when engineers claim technical impossibilities or product managers stress critical requirements.
- Broken trust leads to manipulation by product managers and lies by engineers, such as exaggerated estimates or fake tasks, which can become irreparable.
- Engineers should avoid feuding with product managers, as they are often more politically sophisticated and can damage an engineer's reputation.
- Building trust involves understanding the product manager's perspective, being accurate in technical claims, respecting their political calls, and accepting that some product managers may be incompetent.
- Technical product managers who were former engineers can be problematic if they falsely believe they can detect engineering lies, making trust harder to achieve.
- A healthy relationship requires generosity, mutual trust in areas of expertise, and competence from both sides to avoid the pitfalls of condescension and manipulation.